Author: Neville Fernandes

A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his thumb over the meat. “Are you crazy?” yelled the customer, “with your hand on my steak?” “What” answers the waiter, “You want it to fall on the floor again?”

A newly married man asks his wife, “Would you have married me if my father hadn’t left me a fortune?” “Darling,” the woman replies sweetly, “I’d have married you no matter who left you a fortune.”

During break time at obedience school, two dogs were talking. One said to the other…”The thing I hate about obedience school is you learn ALL this stuff you’ll never use in the real world.”

Two snakes were crawling along when one snake asked the other, “Are we poisonous snakes?” The other replied, “You’re damn right we are! We’re rattlesnakes. Why do you ask?” To which the first replied, “I just bit my tongue.” To… Continue Reading →

A lawyer was well into a lengthy cross-examination of a witness, stopped and said: “Your honor, a juror is asleep.” The Judge ruled: “You put him to sleep; YOU wake him up.”

Tech Support: “What does the screen say now.” Person: “It says, ‘Hit ENTER when ready’.” Tech Support: “Well?” Person: “How do I know when it’s ready?”

My friend called his car insurance company to tell them to change his address from Texas to Vermont. The woman who took the call asked where Vermont was. As he tried to explain, she interrupted and said, “Look, I’m not… Continue Reading →

A wife, one evening, drew her husband’s attention to the couple next door and said, “Do you see that couple? How devoted they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don’t you do that? “I would love to.”… Continue Reading →

One woman told another : “My neighbor is always speaking ill of her husband. Mind you, look at me. My husband is Foolish, Lazy and a Coward; but have I ever said anything bad about him?”

I just got off the phone with a man who asked, “How do I know which plane to get on?” I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, “I was told my flight number is 823, but… Continue Reading →