Not the right sort
“Why don’t you play golf with George any more?” Pete’s wife asked him “would you play with a fellow who puts down the wrong score and moves the ball when you aren’t watching?” replied Pete.
Author: Neville Fernandes
How could there be
“yes,” asserted the big game hunter at the cocktail party, ” I used to shoot tigers in Africa.” One of his listeners protested, “But there are no tigers on that continent.” Of course not,” glibly replied the hunter, “I shot… Continue Reading
Terrible misunderstanding
Friend: “you look all broken up.” College Student:” I wrote home for money for a study lamp.” Friend: “So what?” College Student: “They sent the lamp.”
Fair is Fair
An elderly farmer wrote to a mail order house as follows : “please send me one of the gasoline’s engines you show on page 787, and if it’s any good, I’ll send you a cheque.†In time he received the… Continue Reading
Keeping the score
Conny: “Father, I stole fowls from my neighbor.” Confessor:”How many?” Conny: “Hmmm five” better make it seven. I intend to take another two this evening.”
How very touching
The preacher was explaining the sixth chapter of St. Mathew. He noticed a woman sobbing and shedding tears. At the end of the Mass he sent for her and asked:”which part of the sermon impressed you most?” She answered: “didn’t… Continue Reading
Cool talk
Visitor: “Are your father and mother in?” Youngster:” they was in, but they is out.” Visitor: “they was in, they is out? Where is your grammar?” Youngster: “Oh, granma? She’s gone upstairs for a nap.”
The royal road
Priest: “Remember, the way to heaven is straight and narrow path. Do you realize that?” Acrobat:”That does not worry me the least. I am a tight-rope walker.”
Long Wait
Waitress: “Are you sure you are the gentleman who ordered this steak?” I thought you were a much younger man.” Customer: “Yes, I was a much younger man when I ordered I.”
It’s wise to remember how easily this wonderful technology can be misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences. Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on… Continue Reading