Humour Tonic

TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake. JOHNNY: You can’t fool me, Teacher… snakes don’t have feet.

A professor was one day walking along a very narrow street when he came face to face with a rival. The street was too narrow for two to pass. The rival, pulling himself up to his full height, said haughtily… Continue Reading →

Top four reasons computers are male. 4. In order to get their attention you have to turn them on. 3. They have a lot of data but are still clueless. 2. They are supposed to help you solve problems but,… Continue Reading →

“Do you believe in life after death?” the boss asked one of his employees. “Yes, sir,” the clerk replied. “That’s good,” the boss said. “After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother’s funeral, she stopped in to see… Continue Reading →

The woman yelled at her husband, “You’re goanna be really sorry! I’m going to LEAVE you!” He responded, “Make up your mind! Which one is it goanna be?”

A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his thumb over the meat. “Are you crazy?” yelled the customer, “with your hand on my steak?” “What” answers the waiter, “You want it to fall on the floor again?”

A newly married man asks his wife, “Would you have married me if my father hadn’t left me a fortune?” “Darling,” the woman replies sweetly, “I’d have married you no matter who left you a fortune.”

During break time at obedience school, two dogs were talking. One said to the other…”The thing I hate about obedience school is you learn ALL this stuff you’ll never use in the real world.”

Two snakes were crawling along when one snake asked the other, “Are we poisonous snakes?” The other replied, “You’re damn right we are! We’re rattlesnakes. Why do you ask?” To which the first replied, “I just bit my tongue.” To… Continue Reading →

A lawyer was well into a lengthy cross-examination of a witness, stopped and said: “Your honor, a juror is asleep.” The Judge ruled: “You put him to sleep; YOU wake him up.”