Blonde Jokes

Blonde Looking for a Job A blonde was filling out an application form for a job. She promptly filled the columns entitled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS, etc. Then she came to the column: SALARY EXPECTED. “YES” The Blondes Who Finished The Jigsaw Puzzle A group of blondes walk into a bar. One of the women tells the bartender to line up a row of drinks for all of them. The gals lift their glasses and toast, “Here’s to 51 days!”  and they proceed to down their drinks. Once again, they tell the bartender to “line “em up” , and once again they toast 51 days and down their drinks. The bartender says, “I don’t get it. Why in the world are you toasting 51 days?”  One of the blondes explains, “We just finished a jigsaw puzzle. It had written on the box “2-4 years,’ but we finished it in 51 days!” Same Lunch Once Again An Irishman, a Mexican and a blonde guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, “Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I’m going to jump off this building.” The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, “Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I’m going to jump off, too.” The blonde opened his lunch and said, “Bologna again. If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I’m jumping too.” The next day the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage and jumped to his death. The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito and jumped too. The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well. At the funeral the Irishman’s wife was weeping. She said, “If I’d known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!” The Mexican’s wife also wept and said, “I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn’t realize he hated burritos so much.” Everyone turned and stared at the blonde’s wife. “Hey, don’t look at me,”  she said, “He makes his own lunch!” Blonde Construction Workers Two blondes were working on a house. The one who was nailing down siding would reach into his nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over his shoulder or nail it in. The other blonde, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, “Why are you throwing those nails away?”  The first blonde explained, “If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it’s pointed toward me, I throw it away “cause it’s defective. If it’s pointed toward the house, then I nail it in!”  The second blonde got completely upset and yelled, “You MORON! The nails pointed toward you aren’t defective! They’re for the other side of the house!” Do you realize what I am? A blonde was telling her priest a Pollock joke, when halfway through the priest interrupts her, “Don’t you know I’m Polish?”  “Oh, I’m sorry,”  the blonde apologizes, “do you want me to start over and talk slower?” Make it off the island There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, “I’m going to try to swim to shore.”  So she swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned. The second one, the redhead, said to herself, “I wonder if she made it. I guess it’s better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve.”  So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned. So the blonde thought to herself, “I wonder if they made it! I think I’d better try to make it, too.”  So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, fifteen miles, and finally nineteen miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, but she said, “I’m too tired to go on!”  So she swam back. Explain it three times A guy is having a drink in a bar. A lot of drinks. A very dark bar. He leans over to the big woman Next to him and says, “Do you wanna hear a funny blonde joke?”  The big woman replies, “Well, before you tell that joke, you should know something. Sure, I’m blonde, and six feet tall, 210 lbs. and I’m a professional athlete and bodybuilder. The blonde woman sitting next to me is 6′ 2″ and 220 lbs; she’s an ex-pro wrestler. Next to her is a blonde who’s 6′ 5″,weighs 250 lbs., and she’s a kick boxer professional. Now, do you still want to tell that blonde joke?” The guy blinks, swallows, and thinks about it for a second then says; “No, not if I’m going to have to explain it three times.” ! First Case There was a blonde and she really wanted to become a cop. One day she went to the police station and said she wanted to become a police officer. They said well you have to be smart to be a police officer so we’ll ask you a few questions. “Okay”  she said. “What is 2 + 2?” , said the police officer knowing how dumb blondes always are. “Ummm, 4” , she said hesitantly. “Okay correct” ,he said. “What color is the sky?”  “Ummm” , she though “Well many different. Usually blue but sometimes red or orange or yellow or a pretty shade of pink.” “Correct” , the policeman said confused that she knew it. “Okay 2 more questions: What is a hare?” She answered: “Either a hair on your head and legs or other places or it could be a rabbit!”  “Wow” , the policeman said astonished. Okay last question: Who shot Abraham Lincoln? “Hmm”  she thought, “That’s a hard one.”  Okay the officer said, I’ll let you sleep on it and you come back tomorrow with the answer. That night she went home and had some friends over. They asked her if she got the police officer job and she said, “I think so. They put me on my first case!” Pain all Over A brunette goes to the doctor and as she touches every part of her body with her finger she says, “Doctor it hurts everywhere. My leg hurts, my arm hurts, my neck hurts, and even my head hurts!”  The doctor asks, “Where you ever a Blonde?”  “Yes I was.”  she replies. “why do you ask?”  The doctor answers, “because your finger is broken!” Dead Bird A Blonde and a brunette were walking outside when the brunette said, “Oh look at the dead bird.”  The Blonde looked skyward and said, “Where, where?” The Winner A Blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin. Out pops a coke. The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins. She returns and starts feeding the machine madly and of course the machine keeps feeding out drinks. Another person walks up behind the blonde and watches her antics for a few minutes before stopping and asking if someone else could have a go. The blonde spins around and shouts in her face, “Can’t you see I’m winning?!” Pizza A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces. To which the blonde replies “Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces.” SHhhh…. A blonde walks into a library, walks up to the front desk and says to the librarian “I’ll have a cheeseburger, fries and a large coke, please.” The librarian is stunned and stares blankly back at the blonde, but the blonde thinks that the elderly librarian must be hard of hearing and repeats her request in a loud voice “I’LL HAVE A CHEESEBURGER, FRIES AND A LARGE COKE!” “Miss, I’m sorry, but this is a library,”  informs the librarian. “Oh, I’m sorry.”  whispers the blonde, and continues in a very soft voice “I’ll have a cheeseburger, fries, and a large coke.” Disneyland Three Blondes were driving to Disneyland. After being in the car for four hours they finally saw a sign that said “Disneyland Left”  so they turned around and went home. Blonde in the Mirror Two blondes are walking down the street when one of them looks down and finds a mirror. She picks it up, looks into it, and says, “WOW! I know this person. I’ve seen this person somewhere before…”  The other blonde takes the mirror, looks into it, and says, “Duh, of course you have. That’s me!”